The Amazing Adventures of Dumbledore and the Pie
by ickle-princess
Summary: Dumbledore has just been announced King of all pies... he has renamed Hogwarts 'The castle of Pies' and is not stopping their. Can Harry, Ron and Hermione save the world before its to late or will pies take over for ever...
1. The feast

**Dumbledore and the pie.**

**AN:** This is my first fic so plz be nice. Please don't flame me!

This is kinda a series of lots of different one shots to do with Dumbledore and pie (random, I know) so there will be more, so really every chapter is a different story.

**Disclaimer:** I offered everything I had but I still don't own anything what so ever to do with Harry Potter!

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It was the beginning of term feast, and Dumbledore has just sat down from his small welcoming speech. As he started loading things on to his plate, he came across a very yummy looking pie. He stared at it for a while, his mouth watering from the longing thought of eating this pie.

"Albus are you ok." Asked professor Mcgonagull, who had just realised that Dumbledore wasn't eating, but instead staring at a pie.

"Ssh Minerva, I'm thinking of how beautiful that blueberry pie looks." Said Dumbledore in a dreamy voice. "It has made my day complete."

"Why can't you just eat the damn pie if you like it so much?" said professor Mcgonagull still sounding and looking slightly worried.

"Because I think I will enjoy looking at it much more than eating it, also who would want to dispose of such a beautiful pie?" He sighed as he continued looking at the new love of his life.

"I don't think it's that great," Minerva said with a frustrated voice as she poked the pie.

"NO! Don't poke the pie! You'll hurt it!" Dumbledore screamed, regardless of the many eyes, which rested upon him, as he grabbed the pie from out of Professor Mcgonagull's reach.

"Yeah…right," Mcgonagull rolled her eyes. "Well if you can stare at something then so can I!" She turned away from Dumbledore and scanned to table for something to stare at. Eventually her eyes rested upon a bowl of roast potatoes.

After 10 minutes of staring at the roast potatoes Professor Mcgonagull gave a sigh. "I give up Albus, will you please get your act together your driving me insane."

"Im sorry Minerva but I believe that your are completely 100 sane therefore I will remain focused on the pie" replied Dumbledore.

"That's it." Shouted Professor Mcgonagull, causing several heads to turn to face the commotion happening at the staff table.

With that Professor Mcgonagull grabbed the pie and threw it smack bang into Dumbledore's face.

"NNNNNOOOOOO, not the pie," screeched Dumbledore

Then there was silenced as the whole hall turned to face the staff table.

"BANG" the hall was covered with a thick blanket of black smoke.

"_Reversa smoka_" screamed Professor Mcgonagull and the smoke automatically disappeared with a bang.

The whole hall turned to face Dumbledore but were shocked to find that his seat was empty, and Dumbledore was GONE.

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**Ickle-princess:** I know this is kinda really insulting to the memory of Dumbledore :(but I wrote this before I read the book and it was just a really random thought that I had one night. Let Dumbledore rest in peace. PLZ READ AND REVIEW. Thank you. 


	2. Preparing for Battle

**The Amazing Adventures of Dumbledore and the pie.**

**AN:** Ok I have to admit this chapter is way better than the first chapter seeing as it is way more realistic, I hope, and Harry's in it seeing as its from his point of view kind of.

**Disclaimer:** As much as I hate to say it, but Harry Potter and all other characters belong to J.K Rowling.

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**Chapter 2.**

"So Harry, what's going on between you and Ginny?" asked Ron

"Nothing, we are completely finished!" Stated Harry as he and Ron made there way to the Gryffindor common room after a disastrous Quidditch practice.

" Oh come on Harry, everyone knows your still like each other," exclaimed Ron.

" Fine I admit it I still like her but I cant go out with her, not with a war going on, if Voldemort found out, god knows what he would do to her," said Harry before stepping behind a tapestry to hide from his latest admirers as they were walking by.

"Please, your driving her mad, which makes her drive me mad because she keeps nagging me, Arrrrrrrrg," said a truly angry Ron, who was attempting to rip his hair out.

"RONALD WEASLEY, what are you saying about me?" screeched Ginny storming up behind them.

" Nothing, just telling Harry about the delightful conversation me and you had yesterday," replied Ron.

"I know very well that you were talking about me, and we have never once had a delightful conversation," cried Ginny, before slapping Ron round the face, "anyway Harry, this is for you," said Ginny passing Harry a rolled up piece of parchment, before storming off round the corner muttering something along the lines of "boys."

"Whose the letter from?" asked Ron, drawing the attention back to the parchment in Harry's hand.

"Dumbledore" replied Harry, who new the loopy handwriting way too much.

Dear Harry 

_Please meet me in my office at 7:30 tonight, we still have to discuss the plans about the last Horcrux. Please don't be late…_

_Yours sincerely _

_Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore_

P.S Long live the pie… 

"Long live the pie," said Ron leaning over Harry's shoulder to read the letter, "look he's even drawn a picture."

" I Know he's turned into a right nutter, since the last mission last year!" said Harry as he continued to walk down the corridor. Harry looked at his watch, 7:35.

"Listen Ron im late for the meeting, I have to go, see you in a minute," said Harry in a rushed tone.

"Ok see ya mate," replied Ron.

Harry ran to Dumbledore's office and skidded to a halt in front of the Gargoyle.

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"Umm Chocolate Frog, no umm sherbet Lemon?" Harry went through all the sweets he could think of plus some that he wasn't even sure existed, he gave a final sigh " Long live the Pie," said Harry before sighing again. The Gargoyle leaped out the way leaving along spiral stair case.

Harry reached the door leading to Dumbledore's office, which opened automatically letting Harry step into the office.

"Aaaah, Harry, so nice of you to join me," said Dumbledore surveying Harry with his twinkling eyes.

" Sorry im late sir," said Harry panting, "only just got the letter."

"Oh no worries Harry, I was wondering if you could do me a favour?"

"Umm sure."

"Can you please go down to the kitchens and fetch me something I asked one of the house elves to cook for me!"

"Ok," said Harry before going out the door and to the kitchens, then coming back 10minutes later with a giant steaming Apple pie in his hands.

"Thank you Harry, if you could please place it carefully on my desk." Said Dumbledore, "Now to business, what are your recent plans then that I asked you to work on."

"Well, um, I was thinking of trying to get the one from Nagini, so I was thinking that Snape could some how lure her into the castle, and maybe somehow grab her and then kill her, What do you think?" explained Harry, looking up to find Dumbledore starring at the pie that he had got for him.

"DUMBLEDORE." Cried Harry, "This is no time to mess about, we have to destroy the Horcruxes, we don't have time to spare for starring at blooming pies."

There was a pause.

Then a knock on the Door.

Professor Mcgonagull walked into the room and stood back in shock as she saw the pie sitting on the desk.

"ALBUS DUMBLEDORE." Shouted Professor Mcgonagull, "I forbid you not to go any where near a pie, and what do I see now, but a PIE."

Professor Mcgonagull grabbed the pie and threw it out the window which landed

with a plop in the lake.

"Albus," screeched Mcgonagull, "the death eaters, there here, millions of them, quick I will go and inform the order and students, Potter, I will meet you and Albus in the entrance hall in 5 minutes." And with that she swept out the room.

"Professor, Dumbledore, Hello, there is an army of death eaters out there and you don't seem to really care," Harry screamed at Dumbledore.

But Dumbledore just sat at his desk, his lip trembling and silent tears dripping slowly down his face.

"Arrgh," said Harry before dragging Dumbledore out the room after grabbing several weapons including a sword, dagger and bow and arrow.

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The whole order was waiting in the entrance including several of the remaining DA members.

"Harry, there you are!" screamed Hermione running towards Harry. "Quickly follow me we are supposed to stay at the back behind the order members.

The hall fell silent as the giant double doors opened, the rain was poring over the Hogwarts ground and in the distance was an army of death eaters. There was a searing pain in Harry's scar making Harry nearly scream out in anguish.

"Prepare for battle," cried a voice from the front and they armies slowly walked towards each other.

There was silence…

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****AN: **Wow that was a really long chapter for me :) just over 2 pages (ok its quite short) I've decided that the next chapter is going to be a follow on from this chapter :) Yey but plz I want reviewers not one single review for the last chapter :( so if you don't review this chapter then I wont update until I get at least 1 good review :) . 


	3. THe final Battle

**Dumbledore and the pie. Chapter 3.**

**A/N:** This is a follow on from the last chapter :) expect a Pink fluffy bunny a mental Voldemort and dangerous pies…

**Warning:** This scene is a battle scene so the beginning might be a bit gruesome! So **I am rating this chapter K+ just to be safe.**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything to do with Harry Potter.

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Chapter 3.

"Stupefy," shouted someone at the front. With that very spell curses flew around in every direction. The battle began.

Harry pulled out his wand and started battling a very old slow death eater and after 15 seconds the death eater was on the ground whimpering, he moved on deeper into the crowd of death eaters, until he reached Lucius Malfoy.

Malfoy was pointing his at someone who was lying on the ground 'Lupin' anger boiled up inside him, he pulled the small but sharp dagger from the pocket of his coat and quietly moved towards Malfoy.

Malfoy turned around, but it was to late, Harry pushed the dagger right through his heart, Malfoy let out an ear-splitting scream before falling to the ground with a thud.

"Thanx Harry," said Lupin as Harry helped him up.

"No problem, pity he made my dagger dirty I was quite fond of it," replied Harry before moving on towards the forest.

"ARRRRGGGHHHHHh…" Harry screamed as he hand flung up to his head to rest on his burning scar before he collapsed to the ground on his knees.

"MWHAHAHAHAHHA," sang Voldemort who was standing at the entrance to the forbidden forest, "and so this is where the famous Harry Potter die's."

"Shut up," replied Harry trying to stand up while ignoring the pain in his scar.

"So now I finally get to kill Harry Potter alone without some nasty sidekick following him a round," said Voldemort.

"He is not alone!" said a voice behind them.

"Dumbledore," said Harry.

Dumbledore slowly walked towards them his eyes glistening with Hatred, revenge and pure determination.

"Harry is not fighting you alone, I am going to help him destroy the evil Tom Riddle, once and for all." Said Dumbledore before reaching Harry's side and pulling out his wand.

Harry and Dumbledore began fighting against Voldemort flinging several spells at each.

"_Videor fluffy pink Hunnam." _Screamed Harry after reading the ancient spell from a giant book in the library. (**AN:** the spell is in Latin)

The sky began to rumble and there was a loud bang. By now nearly all the Death eaters and Order members had abandoned their fights and turned to watch Harry and Dumbledore fight Voldemort.

There was another loud bang before a big fluffy pink bunny rabbit appeared and landed in-between Voldemort and Harry.

"_Love, Love, Love, Lots and Lots of Love." _sang the Bunny as it skipped around throwing little daisy's over Voldemort and Harry.

"Will you get rid of that stupid bunny before I do?" shouted Voldemort.

The Bunny turned around to face Voldemort and hissed at him.

"_Pie tentatio," _screamed the bunny at Voldemort. Then the bunny produced a pie from behind its back and threw it at Voldemort, which hit him in the face. Voldemort face turned red with anger.

"_Avada k…" _shouted Voldemort at the bunny but didn't get time to finish.

A wave of relief and happiness washed over his face and he spun around in a thick layer of smoke before re-appearing wearing a frilly pink Tutu. He also started dancing around with the bunny and produced a basket of daisies from nowhere and started throwing them around with the bunny.

The look of relaxation on Voldemort's face turned to pure horror as the whole order including all the remaining death eaters burst out laughing at Voldemort.

"Stop laughing, or, or, or, or I will kill you all." Shouted Voldemort, "Love love love love lots and lots and lots of love, NoOoOoOoO."

And with that Voldemort disappeared in a puff of black smoke.

"I told you Harry that you would destroy Voldemort by pure Love," said Dumbledore.

"Yes, I know," replied Harry before breaking down laughing.

Then all of a sudden Dumbledore collapsed to his knees crying.

"Why, why the innocent pie," he cried.

"_Im am very sorry about the pie dumblydore but it had to be done to destroy that evil Voldemort." _Said the bunny then in a puff of pink smoke the Bunny also vanished like Voldemort.

Voldemort was know more…

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**AN:** What do you think really random with the bunny thing?

A big thank you to Shamanbabe and Zoeteproet. You are both the reasons that I updated this for you. NEXT CHAPTER: There's a talent show at Hogwarts but what is Dumbledore singing?

PLZ R&R…


	4. The Talent show of DOOM!

**Dumbledore and the pie. Chapter 4.**

**A/N: **I no I haven't updated in quite a while but I decided that if no one was reading it apart from my sister then there was no point in writing it, but then I got a review from Shiro Urufu and thought I would update for them. So here it is, chapter 4. (And don't expect something brilliant im not in my random mood right this minute.) And I warn you it's going to be very random and dodgy…

**Disclaimer: I have wished on every star I have seen and prayed but I still, unfortunately, don't own any Harry Potter related things what so ever :( **

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Chapter 4.**

"There will be the first ever Hogwarts talent show ever on Christmas eve at 7pm. If you have a talent that you want to show off then sign up and you could be performing to all Hogwarts students," Ron said as he read the latest notice on the board, "can hogwarts get any sadder?"

"Probably not, it was probably Dumbledore who thought of it! So far we've had a House dancing competition, pie staring competition (which ended up with Dumbledore in tears) hmmm. What else? Oh yes a singing competition, god that was a disaster!" replied Harry.

"I wonder who's in it?" said Hermione, looking at the list of people who had already signed up for it.

"Hey look everyone," bellowed Ron to the whole common room, "Dumbledore signed up for it, he's singing!"

A loud grown echoed across the gryfindor common room.

"Well im going to go check it out, it will be entertaining, hey we could sign Malfoy up for it!" said Harry.

"WOW! Brill idea Harry, what shall we make him sing?" asked Ron, "How about that Barbie Girl song? You know 'Im a Barbie Girl in a Barbie World.'" Ron started singing whilst attempting to do matching arm actions.

"Ok" said Harry while writing down 'Draco Malfoy' on the list.

**1 week later. In Gryfindor common room.**

"Umm Harry, Ron have you ever thought of how you're going to Malfoy to sing on stage?" asked Hermione as they sat round the fire on a particularly boring late Saturday night.

"Yeeeeee… no," said Ron.

"I never thought of that," said Harry. "Lets think of something!"

**5 minutes later.**

"I know!" exclaimed Ron.

"What?" echoed both Harry and Hermione at the same time.

"We can cast the imperius on him," said Ron proudly.

"Ron… you're an idiot. That curse is illegal!" shouted Hermione.

"I doubt you will be able to think of something better!" replied Ron.

**2 hours later also known as 1:59 pm **(right now imagine that really annoying big brother voice when it says the time, shivers)

Ron paced round the room, throwing anything that got in his way to one side, one very expensive looking pie-shaped vase (Dumbledore's no less) made a very loud 'CRASH' as it flew against the wall. Harry was bashing his head painfully against a random brick wall, "BANG", and Hermione (I think you can guess) was… reading.

"I have it," shouted Harry, making both Ron and Hermione jump half a metre in the air.

(You need to imagine that annoying BB voice again, if you don't know what the BB voice sounds like just imagine a REALLY annoying computer type voice)

**Christmas eve, 7:13 pm.**

"Welcome everyone to Hogwarts first ever Talent show. We will be beginning our show with 'The Amazing Neville and his plate throwing snowman…'" said Professor Mcgonagull in a amused voice.

"Ready you two?" whispered Harry to, Ron and Hermione, who both nodded 'ok', "Ok lets go."

Harry and Ron crept up behind Malfoy who was sat at the back row. They cast a silencing charm on him then pounced on him, dragged him backstage.

"GO Hermione," said Ron.

Hermione pulled out a tennis racket and whacked Malfoy round the head with it, making Malfoy collapse and fall to the ground.

"I still don't know why we couldn't use a beaters bat, its much more painful," exclaimed Ron.

Hermione glared at Ron, "because Ron, we want Malfoy knocked out for a few minutes, not DEAD," said Hermione as calmly as she could.

"Fine," sighed Ron, "now Harry… shall we dress him?"

"Leave it to me" said Harry. He pulled out his wand and in seconds Malfoy had completely transformed. He was wearing a frilly pink Tutu, which was an exact replica of the one that Voldemort had worn in the final battle, he had long curly blonde hair, and had defiantly over done on the lip gloss and eye make-up, in both hands he was holding pink cheerleading pom poms, and wore roller blades like that of which people wear when they go Roller dancing. By now both Harry and Ron were on the ground crying with laughter and Hermione's bottom lip was twitching.

"Where am I? Who am I? Who are you? WHAT AM I WEARING?" said Malfoy as he slowly sat up.

"Oh don't worry about the clothes it's the latest trend, didn't you know?" said Ron wiping a tear out of his eye.

"Oh"

"AND NEXT UP IS… OH MY GOD! ITS DRACO MALFOY _SINGING,_ I CANT BELIEVE THIS… BARBIE GIRL," exclaimed Professor Mcgonagull in disbelief.

"But right now you have to get up on that stage and sing Barbie girl," said Harry.

"Really? I do? Oh Ok then," said Malfoy before walking up on stage, eventually followed by Crabbe and Goyle. There was a pause when all of a sudden they heard something, it was deadly, it could give you nightmares for the rest of your life let alone deafen you. It was those ever-scary words of Barbie Girl.

_The introducing music started, Crabbe and Goyle stood to one side of the stage holding a cardboard cutout pink car, Malfoy bounded to the front of the stage waving his pompoms at the crowd before turning to his classmates. _

"'**Hiya Barbie…" **Crabbe said, still taking in Malfoy's new outfit.

'**Hi Ken!' **Malfoy replied hyperactively before bounding up to Crabbe and glomping him.

"…Erm…You wanna go for a ride?" Goyle asked unsurely. "Sure Ken!" This time it was Crabbe's turn to be glomped. 

"**Jump in?" **Goyle started backing away off the stage, but Malfoy grabbed him.

"**Im a Barbie girl **

**In the Barbie Worrrrlllld…**

**Life in plastic**

**Its fantastic**

**You can brush my hair**

**And dress me every wheerrrrre…**

**Imagination**

**Life is your creation"**

"**Come on Barbie lets go party" **Crabbe and Goyle were now in full on Barbie girl mode and stood dancing at one side of the stage. They even managed to make up matching hand actions.

"**Im a Barbie Girl**

**In the Barbie Worrrllllld…**

**Life in plastic**

**Its fantastic**

**You can brush my hair**

**And dress me every wheerrreee… **

**Imagination**

**Life is your creation," **Malfoy jumped around the stage like a lunatic, waving his pompoms in the air, and even managing to do the splits.

"**Im a blond Bimbo girl**

**In the fantasy world**

**Dress me up**

**Make me time**

**Im your dolly" **Malfoy pouted then make puppy dog eyes at the audience who all, to Harry and Ron's surprise, all went 'awwwwwwwwww'… that was before pelting him with rotten fruit and vegetables. Malfoy just blew raspberries at them in reply.

"**Your me doll," **Crabbe sang tunelessly. **"Rock and Roll,**

**Feel the glamour in pink."**

"**Kiss me here,**

**Touch me there,**

**Hanky Panky," **Goyle danced along as he sang.

"**You can touch**

**You can play**

**You can say**

**Im always yoursssssss**

**Ooooooooohhhhhh**

**Im a Barbie girl**

**In the Barbie Worllldddddddd…**

**Life in plastic**

**Its fantastic**

**You can brush my hair**

**And dress me every wheerrreee…**

**Imagination**

Life is your creation," 

"**Come on Barbie lets go party"**

"**Ah ah ahhh yeahh"**

"**Come on Barbie lets go party"**

"**Oooooooohhha oooooooooha"**

"**Come on Barbie lets go party"**

"**Ah ah ahh yeahh"**

"**Come on Barbie lets go party"**

"**Oooooooooohha ooooooooooooohha"**

"**Make me walk**

**Make me talk**

**Do whatever you please**

**I can act**

**Like a star**

**I can**

**Beg on my knees" **Malfoy got down on his knees…

"**Come jump in**

**Be my friend**

**Let us do it again**

**Hit the town**

**Fool around**

**Lets go party" **All three of them did Night Fever impressions before separating and going back to the song.

"**You can touch**

**You can plaaaaaya**

**You can say**

**Im always yoursssssss…" **Malfoy walked off the stage and started dancing around the audience, who were, by this stage, in a state of shock and their sanity waning.

"**You can touch**

**You can plaaaaaaaaya**

**You can say**

**Im always yoursssssss…"**

"**Come on Barbie lets go party"**

"**Ah ah ahh yeahh"**

"**Come on Barbie lets go party"**

"**Ooooohhhhhha ooooohhhhhhhha"**

"**Come on Barbie lets go party"**

"**Ah ah ahh yeahh"**

"**Come on Barbie Lets go party"**

"**Ooooooohhha ooooohhhhhhhhha"**

"**Im a Barbie Girl**

**In the Barbie world…**

**Life in Plastic**

**It's Fantastic**

**You can brush my hair**

**And dress me every wheerrreee…**

**Imagination**

**Life is your creation"**

"**Im a Barbie girl**

**In the Barbie Worrrllllld…**

**Life in Plastic**

**Its fantastic **

**You can brush my hair **

**And dress me every wheeeeerrrreeeee…**

**Imagination**

**Life is your creation"**

"**Come on Barbie lets go party"**

"**Ah ah ahh yeahh…"**

"**Come on Barbie lets go party"**

"**Ooooohhhhhhhha oooooooohhhhhha"**

"**Come on Barbie lets go Party"**

"**Ah ah ahh yeahh"**

"**Come on Barbie lets go party"**

"**Oooooooohhhha oooooooohhhhhhhha"**

"**Ooooooooohhh I'm having so much fun"**

"**Well Barbie were just getting started"**

"**Oh I love you Ken," **Malfoy kissed both Crabbe and Goyle on their cheeks before giggling and skipping offstage.

"You know what? That was actually pretty good!" said Ron.

"Yep, He should get a record contract," replied Harry.

"What's a recorde Conteract?" said Ron.

"That will be in your muggle studies lessons much later, I've only just taught you what a rubber duck is," interrupted Hermione. "Now we have to think of a way to get Malfoy off the stage or he will soon realise that he has just made Hogwarts history by singing the cheesiest song ever invented… oh look Dumbledore's on next."

"Wait! Who's that dragging Malfoy off the stage?" said Ron peering over at the stage.

"It looks to me that he is being taken to a mental institute," replied Hermione.

"How does Hermione know everything?" said Ron turning to Harry.

"It says 'Wizarding Mental Institute for people who have just sung Barbie Girl', on the back of their jackets, anyway shut up. Dumbledore's up next and I wouldn't miss that for my life." Said Hermione.

"Ahheemm, ladies and Gentlemen introducing the PIESSSSSSSSSSSSs" shouted Dumbledore as he bounded onto the stage, Professor Mcgonagull looking on in disdain.

Several people danced onto the stage wearing really good pie costumes doing the can can.

(sung to the tune of the Can Can)

**"Pie **

**Pie**

**Do you like the pie? **

**Pie!**

**Dumbledore likes the Pie**

**Pie!**

**Do you like the pie?**

**Pie Pie Pie Pie Pie...**

**Dooooo you like the Pie?**

**Pie!**

**Dumbledore like the Pie**

**Pie!" **Dumbledore does the splits

**"Do you like the Pie?**

**Pie Pie Pie Pie Pie**

**Oooooohhhhhhhh"** Pies do cartwheels I like big Pies Dumbledore Raps and does dodgy dance moves 

**(Sung to the tune of 'I like big butts')**

**"I like big PIES!**

**And I can't deny**

**Those pies are really nice**

**And when a pie walks in I stare it in the face**

**And it ends up flying through space**

(And to the tune of 'YMCA'...)

**A da da da da da**

**Its fun to stare at P-I-E-S**

**Its fun to stare at P-I-E-S**

**You can have a good time**

**Du du du du du du**

**You can hang out with all the Pieeeeesssssss**

**Its fun to stare at P-I-E-S**

**Its fun to stare at P-I-E-S"**

**"Give it up for PIEEESSSSSSS!" **ThePies do more gymnastics and Dumbledore does splits.

**"Thank you every one! Woooooooooooooooooooooh"**Dumbledore bows and walks off the stage.

"That was the worst song I have ever heard," said Ron.

"Yep, though it was very entertaining,"laughed Harry.

"I didn't know Dumbledore could do the splits!" said Hermione, "Im going to the library to see if there is any books about Hogwarts Head teachers learning Gymnastics."

"Ok good luck with that but im not sure you will find anything," replied Ron.

"Hey look Crabbe and Goyle are over there," said Harry pointing at them, "they look a bit embarrassed don't they?"

"Embarrassed their faces are beetroot," replied Ron before bursting into laughter and rolling around on the floor.

"Dumbledore doesn't look very embarrassed though does he, though I think I can see a bit of fear in his eyes," Harry pointed out.

"Well im not surprised," said Ron, "Professor Mcgonagull looks like she's going to murder him." And sure enough Professor Mcgonagull was storming across the hall staring daggers at Dumbledore.

"Albus Dumbledore, what an earth did you think you were doing, first one of our students is dragged off to a mental institute and then his head master starts singing about PIE," screeched Professor Mcgonagull.

"Well you see Minerva, 2 weeks ago I received a letter," Dumbledore said wistfully.

_Flash back._

"_Oh look I have a letter," Dumbledore said, "and theirs a picture of a pie on the back of it, I wonder who its from!"_

_**Dear King of all pies (Albus Dumbledore)**_

_**Us pie fans believe that if you are to be our pie loving master then you should prove It. To prove to use that you really would give up your life for a pie we have come to a decision that on Christmas eve you shall hold a talent show, and in this talent show you will sing a song all about a pie… you have to write this song, but we are expecting it to be good, good luck**_

_**Yours sincerely **_

_**The council of Pies**_

**_Xxx _**

"Wow I better get cracking on this song then, whipeeeee, "said Dumbledore 

_End of Flash back._

"And that is what happened" said Dumbledore.

"I can't believe it, you are the king of all pies?" said Professor Mcgonagull.

"Yes and I am very proud of it, I should be getting a letter any time soon confirming my kingship of pies."

"Well that's… that's… the most stupid thing I have ever heard."

"Shut up, you are just a stupid commoner who does not respect pies, you shall be banished from my Kingdom."

"Your… Kingdom, so now you have a kingdom, the world must be coming to an end."

"Hey look its my letter," said Dumbledore pointing to an owl.

Dear King of all Pies 

**We are honoured to tell you that you have been accepted as our King of all pies. You now have control of all pies and all us who are loyal to your Pieship. Long live the pies.**

**Yours sincerely **

**The council of Pies**

**Xxx**

"Yes finally I am now King of all pies, this is the happiest day of my life," said Dumbledore before he started jumping rounds the room crying in happiness, "and now my first move of being King of all pies, I AM RE-NAMING HOGWARTS, THE CASTLE OF PIESSSSSS…"

"You have got to be joking!" said Professor Mcgonagull.

"Now the castle of pie is minnnnnneeeeee," said Dumbledore, "Mwhahahahaha."

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A/N: Well there you have it chapter 4 it took me ages, and yes it is the weirdest chapter yet :) I would like to say a big thank you my sister, Shamanbabe, who has helped me a lot with this chapter, and also a big huge thank you to my new reviewer Shiro Urufu. Oh yes also do you think I should write a more serious story? And if you have any ideas I could use in this story any suggestions will be appreciated. :) Plz R&R  
Ickle-princess  
**Xxx**


	5. The meeting

**The King of the pies Chapter 5.**

**A/N: OMG I cant believe that people actually reviewed my last chapter YEY :) A big hug and thank you to: Shamanbabe, DragonWolf of Chaos, gahhMinerva, geckolover298, krazykiwigirl27 and Minerva the 'Angel'. Well here's the next chapter im not actually sure what's going to happen in it but I will make it up as I go along. :)**

**Disclaimer: As you all know I don't own anything what so ever to do with Harry Potter :( Cries **

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****Chapter 5.**

" I would just like to remind everyone that all students must come to the Pie meeting of the day and it has been moved to 2:30 instead of 2:01, Thank you." Dumbledore announced before sitting down and being engaged in a conversation to professor Mcgonagull.

"You know he's losing his nut," exclaimed Ron while choosing which pie to eat, " Im surprised he hasn't been sent to a mental institute himself!"

"Its because anyone that has tried to cart him off to a mental institute has been banished from his 'Kingdom'," replied Hermione.

"I still cant get over the new uniform though is just so… embarrassing," said Harry peering down at his clothes.

He was wearing the usual robes but instead of a Lion for Gryfindor there was a giant picture of a pie with a small Lion in the middle, instead of the usual red and yellow striped tie it was covered in lots of pictures of pies, and on the back of his school robes was the new castle of Pies motto 'Long live the pies'.

"Well at least its not as bad as Dumbledore's robes," said Hermione now looking over at Dumbledore.

Dumbledore was wearing the usual dress robe but instead of it being covered in twinkling stars it was covered in Pies, and instead of a long pointed wizard hat he had a Pie shaped hat on top of his head.

"God sake enough of Fashion, LETS EAT," Ron forked a large slice of pie onto a giant fork, it was less than 1cm away from his face when…

"NooOoOoOoOoOoO," came a shout from the teachers table, Dumbledore was stood at the table with his wand pointing at Ron, while Ron was just stood their looking gormless, "How dare you even think of eating a slice of pie, that pie was put there for looking at certainly not eating."

"Well what am I supposed to eat unless I starve to death?" Said Ron before dropping the pie, which landed with a splat on his plate.

"Number one, How dare you drop a Pie like that you've hurt it, look now its crying," Ron and the rest of the Gryfindor peered down at the cake seeing no tears but just mushy purple stuff which must have been the filling.

"So…" said Ron, a shocked noise echoed across the whole hall, all of a sudden a troop of Oompa Loompa look a likes came marching into the room, and grabbed Ron and Handcuffed him.

"Ronald Weasley first I am expelling you from the castle of pies, but you are also under a rest for abuse to innocent pies," ordered Dumbledore.

"Heellppp meeee…" screamed Ron kicking and screaming while being pulled out of the great hall.

"Ok now that was uncalled for," said Harry, and Hermione nodded her reply.

"I wonder why he didn't get breakfast served to him in bed like everyone else!" said Hermione.

"They tried to give him breakfast but he wouldn't wake up after 30 minutes of poking him with a special pokey stick, it was very funny to watch, I even suggested pouring water over him, but they didn't want to have to change the wet sheets." Replied Harry silently laughing to himself.

"Listen Harry, we have to get Ron out of Jail and we need to work out why Dumbledore has gone loopy about pie and turn him back to normal, OK," ordered Hermione while watching several more Oompa Loompas taking the Pie away to the hospital wing on a stretcher.

"Ok," replied Harry.

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(He he, time for the annoying big brother voice again.)

2:30 pm Harry and Hermione are in the Great hall.

"Welcome everyone to the first official Pie meeting," said Dumbledore, all the Oompa Loompas started cheering and everyone else started following suit, "I have bought Hogsmead and that is now my Kingdom, (More applause) and I am re-naming Hogsmead 'The Kingdom of Pies' (even more applause) yes thank you, calm down now, (clapping stops) as you know Young Ronald Weasley was taken to my Pie prison in Hogsmead today for abusing a Pie, if any one else thinks its clever to harm, insult, or do any other nasty thing to a pie then they will find themselves joining Mr. Weasley, any questions?"

Several hands shot up into the air.

"This is going to be a long meeting," sighed Hermione.

"Well at least its better than missing double potions YEY," replied Harry.

"Well at least we nowhere Ron is, when's the next 'Kingdom of Pie' weekend?" said Hermione.

"Next week!" replied Harry.

"Good we will break him out of jail and then work out something then," said Hermione.

"Stop speaking over there and listen," shouted an Oompa Loompa from near the front.

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****A/N: I know that was a really short dodgy chapter, next chapter they try to break Ron out of jail, YEY, anyways plz R&R, and thankies for reviewing.**

**Ickle-princess**

**Xxxx**


	6. Planning and Moonlit dinners

Dumbledore and the Pie Chapter 6

**A/N: **Thank you for reviewing :) sorry I took so long to update I wrote this while I was on holiday cause I was bored, hope you like it!

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Harry Potter!**

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1 week later

"Welcome everyone to the 57th pie meeting," announced Dumbledore, "today I will be introducing a new member of staff to help me with my pie classes, please put your hands together for Professor. Pastry."

The whole hall burst into applause but stopped suddenly when they saw her, even the Oompa Loompas stopped clapping.

She had long straight silver hair, which went down to her waist, she wore star glasses and long pink robes covered in pictures of pies.

"Clap you stupid damn worthless pie haters," shouted Dumbledore before running from the hall crying.

"Oh no my little Dumbleybob I'm coming darling," shouted Professor Pastry running after him.

(**A/N: **this is to krazykiwigirl27, I just got your review and it has encouraged me to carry on writing this chapter :) thank you)

"Oh my god," whispered Hermione.

"What? Wait don't tell me Snape ate a pie!" Said Harry, "yes I knew it, hehehe."

"No Harry be sensible, Dumbledore is going out with Professor Pastry, well this is brilliant," said Hermione.

"And this is brilliant why?"

"I don't know yet I'm still thinking of something."

"Well can we think somewhere different, I keep getting funny feeling about the Oompa Loompas," said Harry.

"Fine lets go to the common room then," said Hermione, "and what kind of funny feelings?"

Harry leaned closer to Hermione and so no one could over hear them.

"Ok, I think the Oompa Loompas are gay!"

"Ok lets go now," said Hermione quickly.

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In the common room.

"I have it!" Exclaimed Harry as he paced around the common room, which was empty, at the moment.

"What," replied Hermione with a jolt.

"I know how to rescue Ron."

"Really? Wow, How?"

"We ask Dumbledore if we can have permission to go to the kingdom of pies."

"Yes, but two questions. One how are we going to get permission? And two wont he want to know why we need to go there," said Hermione smartly.

"First off we bribe him with some freshly baked pies and then we say this…"

The next day.

"Thank you so much for the pies they look and smell lovely, but why an earth would you need to go to the kingdom of pies?" asked Dumbledore.

"Well you see, you love Professor Pastry a lot don't you?" said Harry carefully.

"Yes, oh Gloria."

"Well if you want to show her how much you love her…"

"But wait," Dumbledore interrupted, "Gloria already knows that I love her."

"Yes, well you might think that but after our pie class this morning we stayed behind to help her clean up and she burst into tears because she thought you didn't love her anymore," which was obviously a lie.

"Really? Oh no my sweet, sweet Gloria, well I must see her at once, unless you can help?"

"Me and Hermione have planned a moonlit dinner on top of the three Broomsticks for you, we will want to be there in case anything goes wrong and to pay for it and you can tell 'Gloria' that you planned it."

"Don't call her Gloria only I can call her Gloria," snapped Dumbledore, "but it is still brilliant, yes, pure genius, so when?"

"Tomorrow night 7 o'clock."

""Brilliant, I will be there."

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That night.

"Have you thought about how we actually break Ron out of jail?" Said Hermione.

"Umm, no I was hoping you would think of that."

"Well it's a good thing I did then. Right I found some information on it which could be useful, behind the building is a laundry cart which is deposited there every night at 7:45pm it has all the 'criminals' clean laundry in, all we have to do is pretend we are from the laundrette and offer to give all the laundry out and collect all their dirty clothes and then we will go to Ron last and help him escape by putting him in the trolley," said Hermione obviously very proud of her self.

"But isn't that just such a muggle and movie way of doing it?" said Harry.

"Yes buts that's why it is so brilliant because it so muggle like and movie-ish," Hermione pointed out.

"Wow, you're smart!"

"I no," Hermione said smiling.

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Next Night 7:35

"That was delicious Dumblybob and to think you planned it all just for me, oh and can I please have another one of those sea salt lobsters," said Professor Pastry.

"Yes madam I will get you one straight away," said Harry before bowing and pulling a funny face behind her back. Harry gave her, her Lobster, then said, "Please excuse us but we believe it is time you have some privacy."

"Yes, of course go, be off with you," said Dumbledore waving an hand at them shooing them away.

Harry and Hermione quickly got changed into their disguises, which were white clothes and white masks to cover their faces so they couldn't be recognised.

They sprinted to the back of the jail and found the laundry trolley just as planned.

They manoeuvred the trolley to the front of the door, then knocked on it and waited patiently.

A fat policeman came plodding to the door and slung it open, "Yes, what do you want?"

"This is our last shift so we wondered if you would like us to go around and give out the laundry for you seeing as we have nothing else to do tonight and of course it would be a lot quicker," Hermione said smartly and professionally.

"Sure that would be great thanks, her are the keys and don't worry none of them are dangerous cant understand why the poor people are in here anyway," he said then her handed Harry the keys.

They quickly went into each accompanied cell and handed them their clean washing then took their dirty washing off them, this was repeated about 25 times when finally they came to Ron's cell.

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****A/N: Ha, aren't I evil a cliffy :) I so proud of my self my first cliffy :) I was going to carry it on but it was so long and to be honest I couldn't be bothered to carry it on now and I wanted to get some up tonight or as soon as possible :) thank you again to all my reviewers: krazykiwigirl27 my most loyal reviewer (sorry fwuzzfwuzz) and fwuzzfwuzz my favourite author. I love you both :) I am soooo sorry again for taking ages** **to update and I will try to update sooner, but it might be hard because im starting school again in 1 day so :( thanks again and if you are reading this then plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz review! **


	7. Rescuing Ron

Dumbledore and the pie chapter 7 

**A/N: **Hello everyone, im so sorry I haven't updated for ages, to be honest I completely forgot about it until I got a review from Krazykiwigirl27 yey go u!

I hope you enjoy this; I have to write this from memory cause I lost my notebook, which I wrote this chapter in!

And a quick note to krazykiwigirl27: I never thought about Gloria being related to Fleur but now you think about it, I have decided to make Gloria, Fleurs long lost LITTLE sister :D thank you!

**Disclaimer: just so you know I don't own Harry Potter!**

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Harry and Hermione slowly made their way into Ron's cell and gently closed the door behind them.

"Hello, anyone in here?" Harry said.

"Bloody Hell! There's no privacy here!" replied Ron.

Harry and Hermione spun round to see Ron sat on something, which Harry thought was supposed to be a toilet. Harry and Hermione quickly turned away again silently laughing their heads off.

"Ouch! Stupid toilet paper, or should I say newspaper scratching my poor little bottom," whimpered Ron silently, thinking Harry and Hermione couldn't hear.

Harry turned his laughs into coughs and diverted Ron's attention from his bum to him and Hermione.

"So umm you don't like the news paper? At least you will have something to read," Harry slowly said.

"Oh shut it!" snapped Ron. "Anyways who are you and what do you want?"

"Oh we are the evil killer bunnies in disguise and we are going to eat you," said Hermione sarcastically.

"Argggghhhh," shouted Ron as he started running round the room screaming.

"Shut the hell up were not really evil killer bunnies getting ready to eat you," said Hermione obviously getting very annoyed.

Ron stopped running around and stared at them. "Then who are you then and what do you want?"

"It doesn't matter who we are and we have come to get your washing," said Harry.

"Oh, here you are then, then you can let me be," huffed Ron.

"You're an idiot Ron, you know that?" said Hermione.

"How did you know my name?" asked Ron suspiciously.

"Im your mother," said Hermione sarcastically.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," screamed Ron.

"Harry can you help me fold up this sheet which I am for no reason what so ever holding in front of the trolley, that Ron could jump into and hide in while we are not looking," Hermione said a little too loudly.

Harry and Hermione held up a big sheet in front of the cart and slowly fiddled around with it. Harry coughed loudly. Ron just stood staring at them like they were mad.

"Yes, do you need help?" Ron asked nervously.

"Ron, can you follow some simple instructions please?" Hermione said slowly like she was speaking to a 2 year old.

"OK"

"Get into the cart."

Ron jumped into the cart with a 'Yippee'.

OK, well done, cover yourself with the washing."

"But it smells funny."

"It doesn't matter at the moment."

Ron started whimpering.

Hermione sighed and pulled out a can of spray deodorant and sprayed the clothes.

Ron breathed in the flowery aroma, and sighed "It smells like Hermione."

Hermione blushed.

"Come on," said Harry.

They stuffed the remaining sheet in the trolley and slowly pushed it out the back door of the prison.

"WEEEEEEEEEEE this is fun," exclaimed Ron.

"Shut up," hissed Harry.

Then finally got a fair distance away from the prison when they finally let Ron jump out the trolley.

"So who are you then?" said Ron finally acting normal again.

Harry and Hermione grinned at each other and then took of their disguises.

"Oh my god I am such an idiot," said Ron in surprise.

"Yes, you are!"

They laughed for a minute then Hermione bought them back to reality.

"Umm Have you ever thought of how Dumbledore is going to let Ron back into the castle of Pie?" said Hermione.

"Easy," exclaimed Harry, "Ron gives Dumbledore a pie says sorry and he will never do it again and all will be forgiven."

So that's what they did, and Ron was allowed back into castle of pies and was cleared of all charges and they all lived happily ever after. Well I wish the last bit was true but Dumbledore was still a mad nutter and Harry, Hermione and Ron still need to find out what's wrong with Dumbledore and how to make him better.

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****A/N: Well how was it? Im so sorry for making you wait for so long, please review because when I get reviews it puts me in the mood for writing more Dumbledore and the Pie (hint hint) By the way do you think I should write something more serious? Well tell me what you think! Bye for now,**

**Ickle-princess**

**Xxx**

**R&R **


	8. The End

AN: Hello everyone I think this might be the last chapter but still look out for future chapter just in case. You might be disappointed but I want to know how you will react. Hehehe, im really evil. Also im planning another story with my sister 'Shamanbabe' it's a Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings crossover, and the plots so complicated its making me go made discussing it with her! Well on with the chapter, and by the way im thinking if this is the last chapter I might do a sequel!

Disclaimer: I would give my big toe to own Harry Potter, but I still have my big toe, so I still don't own Harry Potter :(

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Harry, Hermione and Ron walked slowly up to the common room after supper. It is 1 month since they broke Ron out of jail and the still cant think of a way to help Dumbledore get out of this pie obsession. The trio climbed through the portrait hole and collapsed on the nearest sofa.

"Honestly there must be something we can do to help Dumbledore, I think he is driving the whole school insane!" sighed Hermione.

"Maybe Dumbledore doesn't want help, maybe he likes being obsessed with pie," suggested Ron. Hermione and Harry looked at him weirdly.

"I don't think anyone wants to be that obsessed over something its taken over his life, I think a mountain troll has more common sense at the moment than Dumbledore," replied Harry.

Hermione suddenly stood up. "Well come on then, we're going to the library to look at spells that might have made Dumbledore obsessed with pie, there has to be something."

"Fine," said Harry and Ron together while they slowly got up. They all headed down to the library when Ginny came running towards them from the middle of no where, she halted directly in front of them panting, but when she started talking they only made out a few words like: "Dumbledore… battling…Dragon… entrance hall… go… now."

The trio looked shocked but then came to their senses and started running down towards the entrance hall. But all they could see was a large crowd of students near the door. It looked like Dumbledore and the Dragons battle had moved outside. Harry, Ron and Hermione pushed through the crowd and finally made it to the front, they saw the dragon blow fire at Dumbledore but Dumbledore dodged out the way.

The Dragon grew angry and plunged down unexpectedly at Dumbledore and grabbed Dumbledore with its mouth.

"Before I die," shouted Dumbledore, "I just want to say I LOVE YOU PIE!"

And with that the dragon swallowed Dumbledore whole and roared in delight before disappearing in a poof of smoke.

There was a minute's silence before the talking broke out again, there were people crying, people looking shocked and slytherins with smirks on the faces. Harry turned round to face Hermione and Ron. "At least he could declare his undying love for Pie before he went," said Harry glumly.

And Dumbledore's adventures with pie stopped that day, but we will remember Dumbledore as a great pie loving wizard that was slightly mentally deranged, and we will forever hate the dragon that hatefully ate him on that warm spring day…

** The End**

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****AN: I know that was a pretty bad chapter, but im thinking of doing a sequel. Please review and tell me what you think, and I know it was a kind of horrible ending. May Dumbledore rest in peace. I think I will dedicate this story to my most faithful reviewer: krazykgirl27 and I would also like to thank all my other reviewers. I was thinking of adding some more random hidden chapters at the end, which are some of the adventures Dumbledore had with the pie. What do you think?**

**Thanks again for reading**

**Love**

**Ickle-princess**

**xxx**


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